Passive aggressive behavior can be found in soulmate relationships just like every other relationship out there. It can be difficult to spot passive aggressive behavior between soulmates because of the subtle nature of the behavior. In a past relationship your partner may have been passive aggressive toward you, and you still don’t realize it even happened to you.
Since passive aggressive behavior is often done in a round about way, it is easy to see the point of origin and sometimes even the point they are trying to get across. It may surprise people that soulmate relationships also experience the childishness and pettiness of passive aggressive behavior, but they do. There is often a fear of using a direct, adult way of communication, instead soulmates act out with passive aggressiveness. Since the issues are not being dealt with like adults, the problems and issues have pretty much no chance of being solved. If you do not solve a problem, it keeps doing damage in the relationship.
How can you spot passive aggressive behavior in a soulmate relationship? One of the most common examples of passive aggressive behavior is when someone conveniently “forgets” important things all the time. Never things that are important to them, but things that are important to you. Yes, they were supportive when you spent all weekend doing your taxes but then “forgot” to mail them out for you by the deadline. When you get upset, they turn it on you. If it was so important, why didn’t you mail it yourself? It was an innocent mistake, how could you even think they would do something like that on purpose? Now you are the bad guy. That is passive aggression 101.
Passive aggressive soulmates always turn the tables on their soulmate and make everything your fault. Nothing is ever their fault, they will never take full responsibility for anything. They will always either distract you with something you did wrong in the past, or say anything they can think of to get you to defend yourself and taking the heat off them. You will wind up apologizing all the time for things they never let go of. These relationships are very dysfunctional.
You will get to a point where you don’t bother bringing things up, to expressing yourself to them about things that are upsetting because you know it will just wind up backfiring in your face. This is very damaging to a soulmate relationship. Neither of you are dealing with the problems you are having and solving them. Passive aggressive soulmates know the buttons to push to force you to react. Then the focus will become all about your reaction, not about the fact they pushed your buttons over and over again wanting you to react. The relationship has now become a toxic one.
A passive aggressive soulmate will usually make you pay for their hurt feelings. They will blame you for their anger. They will find a way to pay you back. They will either sulk and not tell you why they are acting strangely, or they will withdraw affection and blame it on them not feeling well, because God forbid they discuss the issue head on. It may take may months before payback time.
For instance, let’s say they have tickets to a special event. The night of the event one of the soulmate’s parents is rushed to the emergency room. It is not serious, but of course they forgo attending the event and go to the hospital. Totally understandable, and no ones fault. They could have waited to go to the hospital after the event, knowing the parent was not in physical danger. Their siblings were already at the hospital. The other soulmate will say, at the time, that of course they understand. But four months later they will suddenly fall ill or get stuck in traffic so their soulmate is late or misses an important event. This is how their payback works.
Passive aggressive soulmates expect the other to have psychic ability to read their minds and predict their emotions at all times. They feel their soulmate should have known exactly how they would feel when they did or said “whatever”. So, since you should have known better, you obviously did it on purpose to upset them. Try arguing your way out that. Good luck to you, because you will never win with that faulty logic.
Passive aggressive soulmates will also procrastinate until the last-minute to get your stress levels as high as possible. God forbid they do something you feel is important right away. They put it off until the last possible moment to get a reaction out of you and when you do, it gets turned on you immediately. Once again you are the bad guy, because they would have gotten it done if you just would have not been so impatient. And now that you acted out, they are not going to do it because they are mad at you.
Passive aggressive soulmates will make you feel guilty for being happy. You may feel uncomfortable telling your soulmate the great things going on your life. They may try to make you feel selfish for being happy and talking about accomplishments or good fortune because you are making it all about you. In reality they are making your good times all about your relationship.
It is so hard to change the dynamics of passive aggressive behavior in any relationship, including soulmate relationships. The first step is to recognize it, and then next is to call it out. You need to try to discuss these behavioral patterns and find ways to change them. Take steps to try to mend this dysfunctional situation. Stop reacting, and stop defending yourself all the time. Keep the focus on the issue at hand and don’t let the discussion get off track.