How do you deal with a selfish soulmate? With a selfish soulmate your relationship is very one-sided, and your needs are not being met. We all want to express our love to our soulmate, expecting nothing in return for it, because we have learned soulmate relationships are about unconditional love. That works fine for most couples, but when one of you is a selfish soulmate, you become very aware of everything you do and how little you get in return.
We want to make our soulmate a priority, and their happiness is important to us. We just want to feel important to them as well. It doesn’t have to be exactly even, but when you are contributing 100% and they are putting in 0%, it is almost impossible to not feel resentment toward them. What we used to do for them that made us feel good, now makes us feel bad.
Now we feel stupid for being so nice to them because they take it for granted. We get frustrated waiting for them to finally make us feel important to them. We never used to mind them getting their way, but now we are tired of them always getting their way. We want a partner, we want someone who contributes to the relationship, we don’t want to do it all ourselves.
So how can we turn the tables? How can we change a selfish soulmate? Is it even possible? In many cases change can happen, but you have to be careful how you go about it. If you tell someone they are selfish, in many cases they will either look at you like you are crazy, or they will turn it back around on you.
It is best to begin by changing your actions. But do it subtly. For instance, let’s say your soulmate always behaves selfishly by forcing their opinion on where you should eat dinner to get their way. This time, don’t back down. Stand your ground, but don’t tell them you are doing it to make a point. Instead, just become immune to the tactics they use to change your mind or give in to them. If they sulk or complain during dinner, don’t feed into it. Instead, put on a happy face and just keep talking about how much you are enjoying your dinner.
The next time, if they try this again, tell them that you are not in the mood to go to the place they want, but why not get take out from two different places? They are very used to getting their way, so they will not like this new behavior in you. Now they are going to have to get used to something new, which is you having a say in your plans and restaurant choices.
Is your soulmate so selfish that they give you a list of things they want you to do for them, but when you ask them to do one thing for you, they complain? From now on when they ask you to do a favor for them, tell them you don’t have time. Tell them since you have to do all your things yourself, you don’t have time to help them out. Again, they are not going to like it. Who cares? They will get over it.
When they are done sulking or being mad, they will try to start that again. When they ask for yet another favor, tell them sure, you will do that for them but only if they can do something you need, or you won’t have time. There is a chance they won’t do what they promised even though you do, and that’s ok. When they ask yet again, do the same thing again, but now don’t do their favor UNTIL they do yours. Yes, it sucks that you have to be like this, but it’s gotten out of control, and it has to be fixed. You enabled some of their selfish behavior, and now you have to put a stop to it. Sometimes we create our own selfish monsters, and it is time we turned them back into loving soulmates.