The people who make up a toxic relationship come in many different shapes and sizes. They’re from diverse ethic groups and educational backgrounds. But the chaos, mayhem and damage they all manage to create are the same across the board. They will have complete control. But you will have zero control. And the relationship will be completely out of control. Toxic people can go from zero to sixty at the drop of a hat. Very much like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. But there’s no potion to put them back. No matter what you do, you can’t keep the peace. Because they can go postal at any time and without good reason.
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS WITH TOXIC PEOPLE
If you’re in a toxic relationship you’ll never be able to do anything right. And they believe they’re ALWAYS right. It’s always their way or the highway, no ifs ands or buts. Nothing is ever their fault, it’s always yours. They expect no punishment for their behavior. But they’ll punish you in ways you can never imagine, not even in your worst nightmares. And for even the most minimal offense.
The punishment never fits the crime. Your soul will suffer the death penalty every single time. A toxic romantic partner is your judge, jury and executioner. You can plead your case and argue your side of the story. But your pleas will fall on deaf ears. You hope they’ll listen to reason and give you a chance to explain. But toxic men and women are never reasonable.
OUT OF CONTROL
These are the worst of the dysfunctional relationships because they’re so out of control. When you are in one it’s like living with an insane person. You will seriously begin to question your own sanity. There’s no way to win no matter how hard you try. Your partner will always win and you always lose.
There’s no way to be heard, no matter how loud you yell. They’re deaf to you. And anything you say, do or feel doesn’t matter if it’s primarily about YOU. This relationship is not about making YOU happy, it is about making them happy. There’s nothing you can do that won’t be turned against you. And there’s nothing you can say that won’t be used against you. There’s no way to keep the peace when you find yourself in a toxic relationship.
So what classifies a toxic relationship? Here are some signs and examples.
- Finances. If you’re with someone who depends on you financially and takes advantage of you financially, your relationship based on money rather than love.
- Lying. If there’s a pattern of lying, cheating or stealing or any behavior they consistently bring to your relationship.
- Their mood. If your daily mood is affected by how they that day or they decide how you should feel that day.
- Secret relationship. If your relationship is a secret from those closest to you, it’s toxic. If fear of judgement, shame and not wanting to hear the truth, keep you from telling the truth about your relationship, it’s a major red flag.
- Can’t express yourself. If you’re not free to express yourself verbally or emotionally. If you’re too scared to express your hopes, dreams, needs and opinions it’s another red flag. You can’t be yourself for fear of repercussions.
- Peace keeper. If you’re constantly trying to keep peace at the expense of your own peace of mind. If you always sacrifice your own happiness so they can be happy you’re living with a toxic romantic partner.
- Abuse. If abusive language and behavior are common. Furthermore if you’re being physically abused it’s time to get the hell out.
- Bad communication. When your communication always leads to an argument, or you can’t talk at all, it’s toxic.
- You don’t matter. If you can admit the relationship holds you from being all you can be, it’s toxic. If you abandon your own dreams and desires to help fulfill theirs.
- Selfishness. They’re totally self-absorbed, selfish and self-centered.
- You can use the following terms to describe your partner: controlling, narcissistic, over jealous, manipulative, competitive, dependent, unsupportive, needy or melodramatic.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
How do you fix a toxic relationship? You can’t. There’s really nothing you can do to fix it. It’s too big a task for professional therapists. So stop questioning your sanity and start questioning theirs. Stop trying to reason with someone who is unreasonable. It’s time to stop trying to make a toxic relationship work. Your partner works against you, not with you. It’s time to do a major detox and get this relationship out of your system.