When your soulmate is a narcissist, you may not know from the beginning. A narcissist likes to project a relationship forward very quickly in the beginning. Part of this is because they don’t want to go slow because it will take too much time and effort to get you on their hook. They need to catch you and catch you quick.
Your soulmate will seem very charming at the beginning. You may be flattered that someone has become so enamored by you so quickly that they are giving you so much time and positive attention. The problem is that you will wake up one day and realize they are not who you thought they were.
You were so excited to have finally met your soulmate that you ignored the red flags and convinced yourself they were no big deal. You excused their bad behavior because they had been so wonderful that it was reasonable for them to make a “little” mistake once in a while. The good far outweighed the bad but when the bad outweighs the good you realize exactly how narcissistic they really are. You begin to try anything you can to make them and the relationship go back to what it was in the beginning.
You may remain in denial for a long time, not wanting to admit that the soulmate you now know is who they really are. It is hard to let go of the fantasy of what they were. Until you do, you will try everything else to rationalize why things have gone so wrong. You may even take a lot of the blame on yourself!! And that is actually what a soulmate who is a narcissist wants you to do. They are never at fault, you always are. They never meant to hurt you, you are just too sensitive. If you didn’t make them so angry, they wouldn’t have said those things to you or done those things to you. Your feelings are never addressed, they are dismissed. It is all about how they feel.
You may think if you put them first they will put you first. But when your soulmate is a narcissist they put themselves first and want you to as well. Because of the connection between soulmates, many people have a hard time standing up to theirs. They go from being an empowered person who doesn’t take nonsense and drama from any one, to someone who is being emotionally and mentally manipulated on a daily basis.
A soulmate who is a narcissist will never apologize, but they will make you apologize for everything they find fault with about you. They are never wrong, and refuse to accept responsibility for anything that is wrong in their life or in your relationship. We are shocked by how many clients are willing to make excuses for a person they believe has a hard time saying they are wrong or apologizing properly. Every human has the capability to do it, it is a choice of either doing it or not doing it.
Many narcissists have issues with responsibility and may not hold down a job, have terrible credit, don’t know how to live within their means, and avoid normal chores. They would rather have you take care of all that for them, and then complain that you aren’t doing a good job at it. They will also have excuse after excuse as to how someone else caused all these problems for them, because of course they couldn’t be responsible for it. They never do anything wrong remember?
They don’t want to be a regular person. They are better than the general public, and what the general public must do is beneath them. A responsible person is more than willing to take any job if they have lost a good one because they have to support themselves and their family. A soulmate who is a narcissist will take no job they deem beneath them and would rather mooch of you, or others, until they get a job they feel they deserve.
The attention levels that a soulmate who is a narcissist require are just too hard to handle. It is never enough for them, and since it is not enough, you must suffer. They may give you the silent treatment, or lash out at you, or fly into a rage. You will feel as though you are being bullied, and you are. If you have a soulmate relationship like this, you have to stop accepting any responsibility for what they do or don’t do. It is not your fault. You are not controlling them or making them do this. it is on them. The first step to trying to turn this around is to not accept their manipulating tactics. Soulmate relationships are hard enough, but one with a narcissist is ten times worse.