Do You Idealize Your Soulmate? It’s Time to Stop!

Do you idealize your soulmate? Many people do, since the strong connection can easily overcome all logic. Intense emotions will cover a lot of their sins and transgressions. Red flags often go ignored because the focus is strictly on the good side of the relationship.

It’s so easy to see only their good points and behaviors while you completely ignore their bad side. When you continually see your soulmate through rose-colored glasses you’re unable to address issues and concerns in your soulmate’s behavior. You have to stop idealizing your soul mate.

If you idealize your soulmate and your relationship, you bypass the lessons both of you should be learning. You’re also creating habitual bad relationship dynamics that are going to get harder to correct the more time goes by.

We fully understand your connection to your soulmate is beyond anything you’ve ever felt with anyone else. You tolerate behaviors you normally don’t tolerate from anyone else in your life. You feel as though you have to, that all the bad is somehow normal for spiritual couples.

Spiritual connections are not responsible for bad human behaviors and choices.

We all know how great soulmate relationships can be. Note the use of the word can. They can be great, but without healthy boundaries and behaviors, they can also become dysfunctional relationships. There are many online communities that support the idea that soulmates, twin flames or whatever label they choose to use, always have drama. Many do, but just as many don’t.

idealizing your soulmate
Do You Idealize Your Soulmate?

There are many common problems that soulmate couples face, but not because it’s part of the universe’s plan. It’s because so many soulmate couples make the same mistakes and create the same problems. At the root of them all, they start by idealizing their soulmate and their relationship.

You need to knock it off!

It’s time for the rose-colored glasses to come off and see things from a realistic perspective. You’re dealing with a human being, with issues and imperfections. Those issues and imperfections are as much a part of your soulmate as all the sweet stuff. It’s great to see the best in your soulmate. There’s nothing wrong with having a positive outlook. It only becomes a problem when it keeps you from addressing the problems within your soulmate relationship.

It’s magical to think you could have a supportive, perfect, harmonious relationship. But it’s equally important to understand why you don’t have a supportive, harmonious relationship with your soulmate. The first step is to stop idealizing them. The real purpose of soulmate relationships is to grow, evolve and walk a spiritual path.

This takes work, and without that work, the relationship falls apart and no change or growth occurs. When you stop idealizing your soulmate, you can begin that necessary work.


The first way to stop idealizing your soulmate is to stop making excuses for them. They may have stress at work but it can’t keep excusing how it affects your relationship. Stop excusing all their excuses. Especially if their excuses are lame. You want things to change and you want your soulmate to make changes. Stop letting things slide. You should know better, and know deep down what you should and shouldn’t accept in your relationship. There is no good excuse for bad behavior.

The second way to stop idealizing your soulmate is to focus on your recent history. Look at the state of your relationship now. Deal with the issues plaguing your relationship in the present moment. Forget about what it was like in the beginning.

Your soulmate was probably awesome when you first got together. All was sunshine and roses. This isn’t the life you’re currently living. Your current relationship needs your attention. Not the one you had in the beginning. Deal with who your soulmate is now. Never mind who they were when you first got together. See them for who they are now, not just who they were then.

Your soulmate is a sum of both of those parts. So is your relationship. Focus on what needs to improve, stop ignoring it, covering for it, or accepting it. It will never get better until you put some energy in doing things differently going forward. Your old behaviors got you to this point, not just your soulmate’s. Both of you need to change the dynamic, because it clearly is not working.

If you’ve separated, or ended the relationship, don’t idealize them. It’s crucial to remember the reasons for your separation. Don’t forget what the issues were that drove you apart. Instead of focusing on how much you miss them, focus on what you don’t miss. Or you can reach the point where you idealize them so much you’ll welcome them back with open arms.

If you idealize your soulmate and don’t learn from your experience with them, the experience will repeat itself again. You haven’t learned your lessons, and they won’t either. The same problems will return. And it’s very likely you will be separated or break up again. The lesson will repeat until you learn what you are supposed to.

A soulmate is the one many consider to be the ideal match or the ideal mate. But don’t idealize your soulmate so much that you can’t tackle the issues and challenges that come with soulmate relationships.

Originally posted on 2015-07-05 @ 8:09 pm

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