Do actions speak louder than words? Or is it words that are more important to a relationship? Relationships are be confusing and difficult to navigate. Sometimes it is hard to tell what your romantic partner is thinking, feeling or wanting concerning you and the relationship. Even more so when their words say one thing but their actions say something completely different. When someone says one thing, but does something completely opposite, you have no way of knowing what is really going on with your relationship. This can leave you feeling confused and insecure.
If what they say does not match what they do, you may find yourself constantly feeling insecure, nervous and worried. You probably think it is just a matter of time before the next shoe drops. So what is the truth? Do you go by what they say…or by what they do? For instance let’s say your boyfriend never tells you how he feels about you, but calls or texts you every day and always makes plans to see you. He has yet to verbalize how he feels about you, so of course you may be wondering what exactly those feelings are. In many cases, just because your new boyfriend is not ready to express how he feels about you, does not mean he has not feelings for you. Sometimes people are more comfortable expressing their feelings through actions before expressing them with words. Sometimes it takes a little bit longer for them to open up emotionally, so allow a reasonable amount of time for your new love interest to express their feelings. If you have only been dating someone for a few weeks, expecting them to express their feelings to you, is simply not realistic, and if they do… this is not real love, but something else entirely.
Some people are not verbally expressive when it comes to their emotions. Not every man has the ability to write love poems, sonnets, and love song lyrics. The longer you date him,. generally will nothing to change that either. The strong silent type who holds everything in, will never make you happy if you are someone who needs the verbal expression of feelings and emotions. A man like this is just not the right guy for you. Some may get more expressive with time, but please don’t think that everyone does, because that is simply not true.
Once feelings and emotions are all out on the table you may believe the relationship will take a huge step forward. But what if the one you love says he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you, but his actions are telling a different story? We are all not perfect people and our actions and words won’t match up 100% of the time, but they should at least 90% of the time. Let’s look at some examples of actions speak louder than words… and vice versa.
- The man, or woman, you love tells you that you are important to them and so is the relationship. But they never seem to have time for you. If this is just a temporary thing that requires more of his time than usual, that is one thing. But if there is always something going on that takes priority over you their words don’t really mean squat. Perhaps they are taking you for granted, but chances are they could also just be giving you lip service. It may be time for you to bring to their attention that if this relationship and you are important in their life, they need to start showing it, not just talking about it. If their actions make you feel low priority, no amount of words are going to make you feel better.
- Many people get hung up on words, and cannot forget things said out of anger. Many people resort to insults, accusations and words meant to hurt during arguments. We need to just let go of most of that. However, if every time you fight your partner resorts to using foul language, making threats, or breaking up with you, their words should not be so easily dismissed. They may act like they are sorry for saying these things every time they fight with you, but if they keep saying the same things, are they really sorry? Maybe it is time to stop accepting their apologies.
- Extra-marital affairs are usually situations where words are definitely louder than actions! Mark tells Amanda time and again how much he loves her, feels connected to her, and thinks she is the perfect woman for him. The problem is Mark is still married to his wife, although separated. Mark constantly tells Amanda how much better she is, how much more connected he is to her and how much happier he is with her in his life. Amanda doesn’t care that he is married, because he is so loving and expressive. This is all it takes to keep her happy. He told her he can’t divorce his wife due to financial reasons. He uses flowery words to keep Amanda from paying attention to the fact that if he really means what he says, his actions would support it. He is full of baloney, doesn’t really want the divorce, and uses Amanda while he and his wife are estranged because he does not like being alone.
- After a breakup actions can speak louder than words. If someone ends the relationship with you but are still talks to you, hangs out with you, spends time with you and even still has sex with you, you may be so confused you have no clue what is going on. Their words say it is over, but their actions reveal the complete opposite. Are they using you until they find someone else, or have they tried to redefine your relationship to one with no strings attached? Either you act like you are broken up or it is time to talk about getting back together.
- For long distance on-line dating scenarios, actions really should speak louder than words! Brenda and Bob met on an internet dating site. They started off emailing each other on the site, then quickly moved to telephone conversations that last for hours each night. They have yet to meet although they have communicated daily for three months. Bob tells Brenda that he has developed feelings for her and that he wants to plan a future with her. Brenda feels the connection to Bob through his words but has seen no real action. Brenda is not looking at the big picture. If Bob really wants a relationship with her, he will find the time to see her in person. The action that really counts her is spending time with her in person.
Perhaps the shoe is on the other foot. Are you too busy playing hard to get that he thinks you really are not interested? Are you trying too hard not to show your feelings that he believes you have none for him at all, or not enough to sustain a relationship? You need to be careful not to be too mysterious, cool or aloof or you may find yourself dumped because he is not interested in figuring out if you like him or not or what your feelings are. Some people will only try so hard before they give up, so before they give up on you, your actions and words need to come together.
When words and actions don’t match up, it can be a sign that games are being played. When someone is playing games with you, they make sure their words and actions don’t add up to keep you confused, on pins and needles, and insecure. When you play any game, there always has to be a winner and a loser. If games are being played in your relationship, one of you will wind up the winner, and one of you will wind up the loser. The sad thing is most people have no idea the game is being played. So, of course they wind up the loser every time. If you are in a relationship and your partner is playing games, you must learn to beat them at their own game, or you will always be the loser.