When will he change? How long will it take for him to change? How long will it take for him to commit? When will he share his feelings with me? When will we be in a relationship? How long will it be until he asks me out? When will he tell me he loves me? All of these questions are not just about him. They are also about YOU.
Why are you so focused on speeding things up? Do you really want to go from first date to committed relationship in two weeks? What is the rush? There may be reasons you are unaware of that are slowing things down. God, or the universe’s timing is perfect, humans are not. When we try and force things, or change the speed that a relationship is developing, we can often do damage and create a negative result. This would make you very unhappy!
There are obviously lessons for him to learn, but you can bet there are also some lessons for you! So instead of turning your focus to him, and asking us “when will he change?” shift your attention to yourself and see what need to be transformed in your own life.
For instance, let’s say you want him to treat you with more respect. What can you do to encourage him to change his behavior. Well, while waiting for him to get a clue on the right way to treat you, which may take a while if he is kind of slow, start demanding respect in a way that is comfortable for you.
The problems in relationships go both ways. You have a part that you played in it. Without fixing what you broke, the entire puzzle will NOT BE COMPLETED. Both of you must be in sync, and both of you need to do something. You may think you have done everything you can, when in reality, you are just like him: doing the same things you always do.
In an effort to get things rolling, you may do things or say things that cause the relationship expansion to slow down or bring it to an abrupt halt. You need to find out what the right course of action is, and what to avoid doing under any and every circumstance. We understand you get frustrated and are tired of waiting. So why not be proactive and productive instead of reactive and unproductive?
You can’t make the changes you need to make, and neither can he, unless you commit fully to changing. Going through the motions is like going on a diet. When you lose the weight, you go off the diet. Same thing with change. You have to make a permanent change, just like you want him to.
The first part of your change is to let go of your old thoughts, habits, tricks, behaviors, and the past. Today is a new day. See things through his eyes and not your own. Bring a new outlook and perspective, and a new plan of action. When you start seeing the changes in you that bring about positive changes in him, it will reinforce and validate what you are doing, which will give you fuel to keep going.
Change takes time, but all it takes to get things started is a step in the right direction.