The men and women who make up a toxic relationship come in many different sizes, shapes, ethic groups, and educational and economic backgrounds, but the chaos, mayhem and damage they all manage to create are pretty much the same across the board. They will have complete control, you will have zero control, and the relationship will be completely out of control. Toxic people can will from zero to sixty at the drop of a hat, very much like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, only there is no potion to put them back. No matter what you do, you cannot keep the peace because they can go postal at any time and without good reason.
If you are in a toxic relationship with a toxic partner you will never be able to do anything right. But they believe they are ALWAYS right. It is always their way or the highway, no ifs ands or buts. Nothing is ever their fault, it is always yours. They expect no punishment for their behavior, but will punish you in ways you can never imagine, not even in your worst nightmares, for even the most minimal “offense”. The punishment never fits the crime — your soul gets the “death penalty” every single time. A toxic romantic partner is your judge, jury and executioner. You can plead your case and argue your side of the story, but your pleas will fall on deaf ears. You hope they will listen to reason, that they will give you a chance to explain.. but toxic men and women are never reasonable.
A toxic relationship is the worst of the dysfunctional relationships because they are so out of control. When you are in a toxic relationship, it is like you are living with an insane person. You will seriously begin to question your own sanity. There is no way to win when you are in a toxic relationship no matter how hard you try. Your toxic partner will always win and you always lose. There is no way to be heard, no matter how loud you yell. They are deaf to you, and anything you say, do or feel does not matter if it is primarily about YOU. This relationship is not about making YOU happy, it is about making your toxic partner happy. There is nothing you can do that will not be turned against you. There is nothing you can say that will not be used against you. There is no way to keep the peace when you find yourself in a toxic relationship.
So what classifies a toxic relationship? Here are some signs, and examples, to help you see if you are in a toxic relationship:
- If your relationship is dependant on finances. If you are with someone who depends on you financially and takes advantage of you financially, your relationship is toxic and based on money rather than love.
- If there is a pattern of lying, cheating, stealing or any behavior or betrayal that they consistently bring to your relationship, are in a toxic relationship.
- If your daily mood is affected mostly by how he feels that day or how he decides you should feel that day, you are in a toxic relationship. If you have too many emotional ups and down and feel like you must walk on eggshells all the time, your relationship is toxic.
- If you have to keep the bulk of your relationship a secret from those closest to you, you are in a toxic relationship. If fear of judgement, shame, and not wanting to hear the truth keep you from telling the truth about your relationship, this is a major toxic red flag.
- If you don’t feel free to express yourself verbally or emotionally, you are in a toxic relationship. If you are too scared to express your hopes, dreams, goals, wants, needs and opinions this is another huge red flag. If you feel you cannot be yourself for fear of repercussions, you are in a toxic relationship.
- If you are constantly trying to keep the peace in the relationship at the expense of your own peace of mind your relationship is toxic. If you always sacrifice your own happiness just so he can be happy you are living with a toxic romantic partner.
- If abusive language and behavior are common in your relationship, that is a sign of a toxic relationship. Furthermore if you are being physically abused by your toxic guy, it is time to get out of that relationship.
- If you cannot stick to a subject when you communicate or you do not communicate at all, you are in a toxic relationship. If your communication always leads to an argument of some sort, your relationship is toxic.
- If you can admit to yourself that the relationship you are in has held you from “being all that you can be”, you can bet it is because your relationship is toxic. If you are abandoning your own dreams and desires to help him fulfill his, or hers, you are in a toxic relationship.
- If you are with someone who is totally selfish absorbed, selfish and self centered you are in a toxic relationship.
- You have a toxic romantic partner if you can use the following terms to describe your partner: controlling, narcissistic, over jealous, manipulative, overly competitive, dependent, unsupportive, needy or melodramatic.
How do you fix a toxic relationship? You can’t. There is really nothing you can do to fix your toxic partner, it is too big a task quite possibly even for professional therapists. It is time to stop questioning your sanity and start questioning theirs. It is time to stop trying to reason with someone who is unreasonable. It is time to stop trying to make a toxic relationship work because a toxic partner works against you, not with you. It is time for you to do a major detox and get this relationship out of your system.